Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sorry for the Delay.
Here's a teaser cover of issue #2. Yes, there will be a second issue. And yes, it will be released this early in the semester.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Butt Jackson (Almost) Sighting: Kitchen
Today I almost had the pleasure of meeting the infamous Butt Jackson. Whilst cooking some of the finest grubbin to ever touch the palettes of my sweet Clones, a Butt Jackson late plate was left on top of the robo coup. The handwriting of our beloved Butt Jackson is amazingly simple, common and it appears as though this mysterious individual has never had a handwriting class in all their life.
But was it really Butt Jackson? Why would this tamer of tigers, breeder of elephants and mystical rider of dolphins spend the evening in Cloyne, to be seen by no one but to leave a late plate? Will Butt Jackson come back for the plate? When? How? Why?
Following the Creativist Convention of Comrades and Creators in mid-January, no one has heard or seen Butt Jackson. This is the first of hopefully many tickles and joy-imes this being brings to Clones all over the world.
Long live Butt Jackson-- and friends, next week is a day of Butt Jackson proportions-- Butt Jackson appreciation day.
But was it really Butt Jackson? Why would this tamer of tigers, breeder of elephants and mystical rider of dolphins spend the evening in Cloyne, to be seen by no one but to leave a late plate? Will Butt Jackson come back for the plate? When? How? Why?
Following the Creativist Convention of Comrades and Creators in mid-January, no one has heard or seen Butt Jackson. This is the first of hopefully many tickles and joy-imes this being brings to Clones all over the world.
Long live Butt Jackson-- and friends, next week is a day of Butt Jackson proportions-- Butt Jackson appreciation day.
Friday, February 11, 2011
My planner told me I should order flowers for my girlfriend today....
I've always hated Valentine's Day. The only two times I've had a Valentine was when I was 3 years old (he was a kid with a rat tail and apparently wanted to marry me) and again 15 years later when my then boyfriend asked to be my Valentine via AIM when we were in a long distance relationship, him at Columbia in New York and I in Berkeley.
The only reason I remember the former Valentine is because my mom put his Valentine card in my baby book next to a blonde ringlet taken from my first haircut. My mom remembers that Valentine's day fondly, but probably because my dad fucking sucked and she was living vicariously through my preschool Valentine. Maybe she was fucking his dad or something....
Anyways, and with the latter Valentine-- well first off never get into a long-distance relationship-- and secondly there's nothing vaguely romantic about typing in "W-I-L-L Y-O-U B-E M-Y V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E" on your stupid laptop in your stupid Ivy League library and hitting 'send' to your stupid 'girlfriend' sitting in her shitty dorm room eating chocolate cake alone in Clark Kerr as her roommates are in their boyfriends' rooms getting fucked like it's the last day on earth.
Then there's the other 18 Valentine's Days in my life where I had NO VALENTINE. You know what? To all you Clones out there who've had Valentine's more than a few times in your life-- FUCK YOU. The ones who got special flowers, cards, candies, dinners and special sexy time in a bed of rose petals? FUCK YOU. YOU SUCK. And not like 'Cloyne is SUCK' suck, but you actually suck dick. I'm not even going to say you suck because you give into a lame Victorian Christian holiday that has turned into a multi-billion dollar capitalist industry but you actually suck because, well, you make single people feel bad. And I'm not even single anymore! But I still feel those 18 years of loneliness much more than those two shitty Valentines in my life. And fuck off, I know I'm bitter.
To all my single non-vegan brethren, you know what's up with Valentine's day. It's alllll about Feb 15th, the day all the candy goes on sale so you can fill that void in your heart that was made far more apparent on the 14th with sweet, chocolatey wonders while watching your favorite comedy to make you laugh as though you were actually in love (or maybe just filling that void with irrationally frequent masturbation). Oh, and it's all about the fun sized candies, by the way. Especially getting one of those heart-shaped boxes, eating it's insides, spitting out the nasty ones and then DESTROYING THE STUPID FUCKING SHINY PINK HEART EXTERIOR. FUCK THAT SHIT.
Just like cheerleaders screaming and rah-rah-rah-ing at a football game, my soul is crushed and turns as black as the obsidian shores of Satan's bloody beaches on Valentine's day. Just remember, if you have a Valentine on Feb. 14th and are seen holding any kind of Valentine paraphernalia, or eating dinner in a restaurant with one other person, everyone else hates you. Especially the single ones.
----------
On a side note, here's some shit that's been corrupting my vision as I've perused the internets (apologies to those who don't like abuse of caps lock. I'm just trying to make the fierce hate in my soul as apparent as possible):
THIS STUFF ISN'T EVEN COOL. IT'S TACKY. FYI: Did you know that Tiffany's uses the same diamonds as Costco? Yet it's roughly a million times more expensive at Tiffany's? Fuck that noise.
NOT CUTE. THIS SHIT IS THE FIRST TO GET THROWN INTO THE FREE PILE. PLUS IT'S JUST MADE BY SOME SAD ASIAN SOULS WHO ARE TREATED AS SHITTILY AS CHILD LABORERS IN TURN OF THE CENTURY COAL MINES. AND GUESS WHAT? THEY PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY IS OR EVEN HAVE A FUCKING LOVER.
IF YOU'RE A WOMAN AND YOU FORCE YOUR BOYFRIEND TO GO SEE SHIT LIKE THIS WITH YOU IN THE THEATER OR EVEN IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
Have a Great Day!
Liz
The only reason I remember the former Valentine is because my mom put his Valentine card in my baby book next to a blonde ringlet taken from my first haircut. My mom remembers that Valentine's day fondly, but probably because my dad fucking sucked and she was living vicariously through my preschool Valentine. Maybe she was fucking his dad or something....
Anyways, and with the latter Valentine-- well first off never get into a long-distance relationship-- and secondly there's nothing vaguely romantic about typing in "W-I-L-L Y-O-U B-E M-Y V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E" on your stupid laptop in your stupid Ivy League library and hitting 'send' to your stupid 'girlfriend' sitting in her shitty dorm room eating chocolate cake alone in Clark Kerr as her roommates are in their boyfriends' rooms getting fucked like it's the last day on earth.
Then there's the other 18 Valentine's Days in my life where I had NO VALENTINE. You know what? To all you Clones out there who've had Valentine's more than a few times in your life-- FUCK YOU. The ones who got special flowers, cards, candies, dinners and special sexy time in a bed of rose petals? FUCK YOU. YOU SUCK. And not like 'Cloyne is SUCK' suck, but you actually suck dick. I'm not even going to say you suck because you give into a lame Victorian Christian holiday that has turned into a multi-billion dollar capitalist industry but you actually suck because, well, you make single people feel bad. And I'm not even single anymore! But I still feel those 18 years of loneliness much more than those two shitty Valentines in my life. And fuck off, I know I'm bitter.
To all my single non-vegan brethren, you know what's up with Valentine's day. It's alllll about Feb 15th, the day all the candy goes on sale so you can fill that void in your heart that was made far more apparent on the 14th with sweet, chocolatey wonders while watching your favorite comedy to make you laugh as though you were actually in love (or maybe just filling that void with irrationally frequent masturbation). Oh, and it's all about the fun sized candies, by the way. Especially getting one of those heart-shaped boxes, eating it's insides, spitting out the nasty ones and then DESTROYING THE STUPID FUCKING SHINY PINK HEART EXTERIOR. FUCK THAT SHIT.
Just like cheerleaders screaming and rah-rah-rah-ing at a football game, my soul is crushed and turns as black as the obsidian shores of Satan's bloody beaches on Valentine's day. Just remember, if you have a Valentine on Feb. 14th and are seen holding any kind of Valentine paraphernalia, or eating dinner in a restaurant with one other person, everyone else hates you. Especially the single ones.
----------
On a side note, here's some shit that's been corrupting my vision as I've perused the internets (apologies to those who don't like abuse of caps lock. I'm just trying to make the fierce hate in my soul as apparent as possible):
THIS STUFF ISN'T EVEN COOL. IT'S TACKY. FYI: Did you know that Tiffany's uses the same diamonds as Costco? Yet it's roughly a million times more expensive at Tiffany's? Fuck that noise.
NOT CUTE. THIS SHIT IS THE FIRST TO GET THROWN INTO THE FREE PILE. PLUS IT'S JUST MADE BY SOME SAD ASIAN SOULS WHO ARE TREATED AS SHITTILY AS CHILD LABORERS IN TURN OF THE CENTURY COAL MINES. AND GUESS WHAT? THEY PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY IS OR EVEN HAVE A FUCKING LOVER.
Have a Great Day!
Liz
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Stupid Links Part 1
Here's one that will satisfy one's love for anatomy and sexy time: http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leq6d0Kbp91qfwrixo1_500.gif
Here's another, I'm pretty sure that Cloyne should have these as gear, but a cheaper version, if possible: http://www.onepiece.co.uk/#
PEACE
Here's another, I'm pretty sure that Cloyne should have these as gear, but a cheaper version, if possible: http://www.onepiece.co.uk/#
PEACE
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Hell Week: Day One Report
In a stunning and impressive series of events, the 40 Olympics shot flying colors like a rainbow emerging from a leprechaun dick. Here are some of the highlights from last night's event as well as the list of winners:
- 40 chug was highlighted with the aches and pains of many esophageal muscles and an odd, cold clenching feeling of the sad throats of these fearless Clones. Our only female competitor, your very own Liz Dyer, ripped the gonads off her competitors, taking first place.
Gold: Liz
Silver: Steve B.
Bronze: Woodrow
Following this was a brief game of Botchi Ball. Steve managed to break his bottle on Woodrow's, resulting in a disqualification and public scolding. Please watch out for glimmering flecks of green glass on the grass.
Gold: Pablo
Silver: Woodrow
Bronze: Dan M.
After a brief intermission, two teams were rounded up for the relay. Sweet joy was clearly present in the hearts of our onlookers as our competitors' faces reflected more sadness and grief--- yet the heat of competition was still ever-present in their eyes.
Gold: Zack, Woodrow, Brenna
Silver (1st Place Losers): Scott, Steve, Zoe (doesn't live here but has more spirit than most little terd Clones did last night. BOOSH)
We then went on to the Beer Mile, which had an initial backlash by lazy sober people but was spearheaded by local hero Pablo and a bunch of buffoons. Some highlights from the run include: Brenna holding her puke until she got to Goldman, puking all over the front of the school in an effort to spite Pablo; Woodrow finishing without puking; Steve almost winning but instead of running through the doors with the might of victory in his belly, he decided to discharge the contents of his belly all over the front of Cloyne; Pablo only doing two laps, as well as Carolyn (but good hustle anyways)
Gold: Woodrow (no pukeage!)
Silver: Brenna (honorary Gold)
Bronze: Steve (good job but ya puked so much we just had to demote ya)
The next event was a bit of a doozy, it took a lot of convincing and begging, but we finally got together two teams to participate in the slip-n-slide flip cup race. This was super fun to watch, apparently kind of so terrible to actually perform that it was fun, and will go down in history as the rankest of all the 40 Olympics games. With a slip-n-slide made of taped together garbage bags, a Dan Mulvey manning the cold hose of hellish terror, and a table of tiny cups, the games quickly got ugly as the bags were quickly destroyed, rules unenforced, beer consumed, and Zack taking a quick turn to attack the hose master. The game ended in a plea to call a draw and some shivering cold American Heroes.
Gold: Zoe, Scott, Steve, Brenna, Woodrow, Zack
To end it all, we had a nice Keg toss on the basketball court. All were encouraged to participate and many did. It was fun to watch, and enjoy seeing how far and not far people can throw kegs. Reports from local friends claim that the clanking of our magical Miller High Life Keg could be heard from the top of campus, echoing for all to hear and fear the great Cloyne beasts.
Gold: Aaron
Silver: Chris
Bronze: Jack
Thanks to all of our participants, your points will be added to your overall week's score and fuck yeah to all those spirited bastards who did what no one thought was possible.
Tonight is Thumper and Power Hour in the dining room. Come one, come all. It isn't physical, but it is fun. Be there at around 9:15pm.
- 40 chug was highlighted with the aches and pains of many esophageal muscles and an odd, cold clenching feeling of the sad throats of these fearless Clones. Our only female competitor, your very own Liz Dyer, ripped the gonads off her competitors, taking first place.
Gold: Liz
Silver: Steve B.
Bronze: Woodrow
Following this was a brief game of Botchi Ball. Steve managed to break his bottle on Woodrow's, resulting in a disqualification and public scolding. Please watch out for glimmering flecks of green glass on the grass.
Gold: Pablo
Silver: Woodrow
Bronze: Dan M.
After a brief intermission, two teams were rounded up for the relay. Sweet joy was clearly present in the hearts of our onlookers as our competitors' faces reflected more sadness and grief--- yet the heat of competition was still ever-present in their eyes.
Gold: Zack, Woodrow, Brenna
Silver (1st Place Losers): Scott, Steve, Zoe (doesn't live here but has more spirit than most little terd Clones did last night. BOOSH)
We then went on to the Beer Mile, which had an initial backlash by lazy sober people but was spearheaded by local hero Pablo and a bunch of buffoons. Some highlights from the run include: Brenna holding her puke until she got to Goldman, puking all over the front of the school in an effort to spite Pablo; Woodrow finishing without puking; Steve almost winning but instead of running through the doors with the might of victory in his belly, he decided to discharge the contents of his belly all over the front of Cloyne; Pablo only doing two laps, as well as Carolyn (but good hustle anyways)
Gold: Woodrow (no pukeage!)
Silver: Brenna (honorary Gold)
Bronze: Steve (good job but ya puked so much we just had to demote ya)
The next event was a bit of a doozy, it took a lot of convincing and begging, but we finally got together two teams to participate in the slip-n-slide flip cup race. This was super fun to watch, apparently kind of so terrible to actually perform that it was fun, and will go down in history as the rankest of all the 40 Olympics games. With a slip-n-slide made of taped together garbage bags, a Dan Mulvey manning the cold hose of hellish terror, and a table of tiny cups, the games quickly got ugly as the bags were quickly destroyed, rules unenforced, beer consumed, and Zack taking a quick turn to attack the hose master. The game ended in a plea to call a draw and some shivering cold American Heroes.
Gold: Zoe, Scott, Steve, Brenna, Woodrow, Zack
To end it all, we had a nice Keg toss on the basketball court. All were encouraged to participate and many did. It was fun to watch, and enjoy seeing how far and not far people can throw kegs. Reports from local friends claim that the clanking of our magical Miller High Life Keg could be heard from the top of campus, echoing for all to hear and fear the great Cloyne beasts.
Gold: Aaron
Silver: Chris
Bronze: Jack
Thanks to all of our participants, your points will be added to your overall week's score and fuck yeah to all those spirited bastards who did what no one thought was possible.
Tonight is Thumper and Power Hour in the dining room. Come one, come all. It isn't physical, but it is fun. Be there at around 9:15pm.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)